Copyright (c) 2009 Ron Lasorsa

Child Custody

Custody is a highly litigated area of family law that can be both expensive and emotionally draining, even when done correctly. The following represents some pointers designed to help parties avoid the stress, expense and emotional damage often attributed to child custody litigation;

1. Try to come to agreements on your own: Parties who craft their own custody agreements are usually much happier with the outcome because they feel like they have played an active role in the decision and are consequently more apt to comply. In addition, you do not need an attorney to come to your own stipulation which can save hundreds, even thousands of dollars. It is far better for the two people who know a child best to come to a decision related to custody than leaving it in the hands of a stranger.

2. Seek out an experienced mediator: Custody mediators can play a crucial role in the outcome of a custody battle. These individuals can be retired attorneys, current attorneys or mediators with divorce experience, for example. The goal of mediation is to come to an agreement with which both parties can live by a give-and-take principle. Parties in mediation realize that they must give a little to get a little and the spirit of compromise is what makes mediation actually work. In the event that you are unable to come to agreements on your own, mediators can be very useful.

3. Work with existing court orders, even the recommendations: If you are in litigation and you have existing court orders, learn to work within the framework of what you have. For example, if the court order has recommended parenting classes, you should take them. Now, if the court orders you to do a proscribed activity, such as drug test or drop children off at a specific time and day, you do not have the option of whether or not to comply.

4. Seek out individual counseling: If some of your anxiety or stress stems from the fact that you are actually still grieving the loss of the relationship, it is wise to seek out private counseling to work through some of these issues to avoid the inevitable impact on your children.

The impact of divorce on children is extraordinary. Anyone who thinks that their children are not affected is not paying any attention to the obvious signs. The above are mere suggestions to avoid some or all of the emotional detriment to your child(ren) that divorce can cause such as:

- Regressive behavior: Children who experience any trauma, particularly divorce may exhibit certain regressive behaviors such as fit throwing, tantrums, refusing to sleep alone and bed wetting, for example.

- Defiance and rebelliousness: This form of disobedience might manifest itself at home or at school. It may stem from a child’s desire to gain their parents attention in hopes of taking the focus off the divorce. Depending on the age and maturity of the child, they may feel as though they can actually do something to stop this divorce from happening even if it is in the form of very negative behavior.

- Social difficulty: Children who have a tumultuous home life can have difficulty interacting socially due to depression, sadness or grief at the loss of the family structure.

- Statistics: Studies show that children of divorced homes are more likely to drop out of high school (and are at a greater risk of teenage pregnancy. Children from divorced families have higher incidence of truancy and negative attitudes toward school.

Yes, there are an equal number of studies out there that support the proposition that children from divorced families are no different emotionally, academically or financially. But more than likely those funding said studies are the very individuals who profit from the big business of child custody – Family law attorneys. It has been proven time and time again that a two parent household is best and that children who have to endure the divorce of their parents suffer. Therefore, if divorce is the only option, the way to minimize and hopefully eliminate the impact on the children is to be mature, try to work things out between the two of you, seek out an experienced mediator when unable to do so, follow all court orders and get yourself the spiritual or psychological counseling YOU need to move on and be the best parent YOU can be.

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Child custody cases are always nerve racking because there is so much at stake for you and your child. If you’re new to filings and hearings though it can be put you even more on edge. This is a new world that you have no experience in so how will you know if you are making the right decisions?

The first thing you want to do is understand that the family court child custody system is a civil court not a criminal court. You will want to educate yourself about your local jurisdictions procedures, protocols and rules. You will want to pay close attention to the steps involved in the custody process. Know what each step is for and how it fits in the big picture.

Of course you are asking “why do I want to know the whole process for my first meeting?”. You want to know as much as you can because you want to be successful at your first hearing and set yourself up for success for the rest of the child custody process. The more successful you are early on, the more likely you will get the results you want and end your case early in the process.

The first hearing is where you are going to lay out your child custody case including exactly why you want to make the changes you want and why they are in the “best interests of the child”. You do not want to include any drama about the other parent as the drama between the parents is no relevant to the case unless it directly affects the child. If you make that claim and then are later proved wrong, you will suffer the consequences for the life of the process. That process could last for many years if you are involved in a high conflict child custody battle.

Once you list the items that you are asking for and why they are in the best interest of the child in your filing, you will want to make a sheet for yourself that has bullet points of every issue documented in your filing. While the filing is complete and you will want your copy in court, it will not have the bullet points of each item. Judges frequently lose track of what has been covered. It is your job in court to make sure that each item you filed about was covered in the hearing. If not, you will not get a ruling and will need to file an additional motion to cover the missed points.

Be certain that your filing is clear about each item and does not ramble. The reason is that judges will read your filing before the hearing and be familiar with it. You will get about 15 minutes with the judge for both sides to present their case and for the judge to ask questions and rule. You may likely leave with at temporary order. That order may become the basis for your final child custody order.

To summarize, you need to lay out your filing clearly because it may be the basis for a permanent order, make bullet points to yourself and be prepared to do the whole thing in your 5 minutes in court.

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Many people hold the opinion that women are the default beneficiary in a child custody hearing.This is not the case any longer and woman must be more prepared than ever. The latest statistics reinforce the importance of not taking it for granted. Woman need a winning child custody strategy in place from the start.

If this is not complete from the beginning and they lose and have an unfavorable agreement, for whatever reason, then it is very challenging to modify, particularly if it was put in place by the court at the breakdown of the parents relationship. Mothers must be involved from the beginning and have sufficient information to even question their attorneys. They also need a very transparent understanding of how the method works and how the child custody laws vary from state to state in the USA. If you do not have a clear understanding of the system you take the risk of not putting your best foot forward during a custody evaluation.

Just as important is good legal council. Good legal representation is essential. A well informed lawyer is fundamental to emphasizing what is very important and what is less important. Make no mistake, there is a sizable difference in the quality of representation obtainable. The legal system will ask you to give testimony and a lot of credence will be given to this testimony. The proper answers are key to a favorable agreement and key to you defending your children.

The court system can be callous and seem unfair at times. It is very black and white and the proper guidance will set you up to succeed right from the beginning. The judge will be looking for particular items to make a determination and you and your attorney must know these. These are not what you would expect since they might not seem obvious to the inexperienced person.

You must also know the amount of “bias” that exists and which “side” it favors. With all this considered, there is one book that I have found that deals with all this and much, much more. I regard it as the child custody “bible” and would categorize it as essential reading for anyone going through this extremely challenging circumstance.

For more information please visit http://www.childcustodysecrets.net

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“Battling Over the Children” documentary on JW Child Custody revealing that the lifestyle of Jehovah’s Witnesses is not in the “best interests” of a child. Courtrooms have been turned into war zones as Jehovah’s Witnesses battle over the children with their former mates! We invite you to order the free DVD and contact us at www.jehovahswitnessesexperts.com and order the free!40 minute DVD absolutely free! … Jehovah’s Witnesses JW Children Watchtower Society Child Custody JW’s …

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Numerous people have the outlook that women are the default beneficiary in a child custody hearing. This is not the issue any longer and woman should be more ready than ever. The most recent statistics reinforce the significance of not taking it for granted.

Woman need a winning child custody strategy in place from the begining. If this is not complete from the start and they lose and have an unfavorable agreement, for whatever reason, then it is very challenging to adjust, particularly if it was put in place by the court at the breakdown of the parents association. Mothers must be involved from the start and have sufficient information to even question their attorneys.

They also need a very transparent understanding of how the method works and how the child custody laws vary from state to state in the USA. If you do not have a fair understanding of the structure you take the chance of not putting your finest foot forward during a custody evaluation. Just as valuable is high-quality legal council. Good legal representation is essential.

A well informed lawyer is fundamental to emphasizing what is very valuable and what is less valuable. Make no error, there is a considerable difference in the quality of representation obtainable. The legal system will ask you to produce testimony and a lot of weight will be given to this testimony. The proper answers are fundamental to a favorable agreement and fundamental to you defending your children.

The court system can be callous and seem unfair at times. It is very black and white and the proper guidance will set you up to succeed right from the start. The judge will be looking for specific items to make a determination and you and your attorney should know these. These are not what you would expect since they might not seem obvious to the inexperienced person.

You should also know the degree of “bias” that exists and which “side” it favors. With all this considered, there is one book that I have found that deals with all this and much, much more. I regard it as the child custody “bible” and would label it as essential reading for everyone going through this enormously challenging circumstance.

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This is, without a doubt, one of the most heartbreaking subjects in the world…two parents fighting over custody of their child. Each parent loves the child, maybe even more than their own lives, and yet somebody is going to walk away from this totally broken hearted and devastated. If you don’t want that person to be you, then I suggest you read this article. 

For starters, each state has different laws in regard to child custody, just like each state has different divorce laws. So if you’re looking for a one size fits all to this problem, it doesn’t exist. What I can give you here is some common sense advice that will help the process go as smoothly as possible. 

Secondly, and this may be the most important thing for your to keep in mind, child custody is hard on you and your ex, yes. But as hard as it is on the two of you, think about the child who is in the middle of all this. That little person has it the hardest of all of you. So it is important that you reassure the child that they are loved by both of you and that none of what’s going on is their fault. You need to be supportive of the child at all times. 

As far as having the best chance of actually winning the custody battle, you need to present yourself to the court in the best possible light. That means, for starters, dressing properly and acting properly. In other words, and there is no other way to put this, if you are a drunk who doesn’t have a clean suit, sober yourself up quickly and buy a new suit. I’m dead serious. In child custody cases, appearances are everything as your ex is going to throw as much dirt at you as they can. Don’t help their case. 

Finally, behave yourself in court. Don’t lose your temper and don’t act like a jerk. Again, there is no other way to put this. You are not going to score any points with the judge by flying off the handle. 

In my signature, you will find a review of a great resource that will help you prepare for your child custody case. Please believe me when I say this, you can never be too prepared. These are emotional proceedings and one slip up can cost you custody of your child.

Want the best chance of winning a favorable custody arrangement? Not sure if you can win the child custody dispute? Visit my site at child custody strategies.

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Learn how to get custody of your children with this video.

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Custody Evaluators play a major role in the child custody process. In fact, they play the biggest role of all when it comes to determining who will get what, what rules and guidelines will be put into place, and how the child will be handled by their parents.

If you don’t agree on your child custody issues and you expect a long drawn out battle then you may make it through to the Custody Evaluation phase, sometimes know as a 730 Evaluation. Not all jurisdictions have an Evaluation phase. Some jurisdictions have it rolled together with the mediation phase. No matter how your jurisdiction handles it, this is the most critical phase of your custody battle and you will want to be as clear headed and well prepared as you can humanly be.

In order to explain what you need to know to prepare for this phase, I will first explain what Evaluation is. Evaluation is the process where both parents meet separately with a highly qualified professional and layout their differences, concerns, desires, evidence, and most importantly offer their resolutions. Evaluation includes interviewing collateral contacts (that is people that know you and your spouse, like nannies, roommates, grandparents), and evidence.

If you search Custody Evaluators online, you will find some lively discussions about them. The reason I bring this up is that when people are disappointed in the outcome of the Custody Evaluation, they commonly place blame on the Evaluator. They question how the evaluator could give “whatever” to a person of bad character. The parent makes a moral interpretation about the parental worthiness of the other parent. What they don’t anticipate or plan for is the Evaluator’s ultimate responsibility to the child.

Morality or the lack thereof, isn’t a reason to keep a child from their parent (unless it is somehow directly affecting the child). I won’t say anymore about that now, except to say that just keep in mind that they are looking for facts not moral opinions.

You need to be at your best, be truthful, do not put the other parent in a negative light, present your facts in a straight forward and articulate manner. Refrain from bringing up emotional baggage or sounding like you belong on Jerry Springer. Here is the most important fact of all. This is the time you get to tell your side of the story and present your case. All of the work you have done, all the groundwork you have laid, and the investment of time, money, and strategy culminates here.

Custody Evaluations will typically take 10-40 hours of the Evaluators time depending on how involved the case is, how much difference of opinion, how much evidence, and how many other people are interviewed. It may include parent/child play time as well to allow the Evaluator to observe how both parents interact with the child. Because of the amount of time it is common that the parents split the cost which can easily be $2000-$3000.

Once the evaluation is complete the Evaluator will create a report outlining their recommendation for a Custody Order. There is an opportunity to review this report and if you think the Evaluator got it wrong you can petition the court for another evaluation. If there are minor things you don’t like, you can negotiate with the other parent for changes. But if most of it is right, you may just want to adopt it.

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Some judges believe that a child should always be with its mother and this is even more common when the child is a girl or preteen.

If you do not fight hard for gaining custody, there is a great chance that you could be downgraded to only seeing your children at weekends, or worse, once a month.

Some fathers are under the impression that if you allow the mother to gain full custody first time round, that they can come back in a year or two and apply for joint custody, but this rarely ever works.

Usually, your chances of custody decrease with the number of rounds in the battle. Generally, courts will not interfere with a custody agreement once it had been settled on, for fear of upsetting the child or children.

It is essential that fathers establish themselves before gaining custody. Once you lose custody, you risk not having an active role in your child’s life. Giving control to your ex-wife can be dangerous if the divorce was messy, as there have been cases where mothers have turned their children against their father.

Your ex-wife will control all aspects of the child’s life that a father should have the right to make decisions on.

When it comes to gaining custody as a result of a divorce, and battling for the best interest of your kids, you have to be willing to fight. There is no room for half measures.

Choose a lawyer who specializes in the subject and educate yourself.

Knowledge is power. Know how you can offer a stable environment, and be able to voice this clearly and rationally. Be ready for things to turn ugly, because it often does.

Being outraged at “the unfair justice system” and “your vindictive ex-wife” will get you nowhere. You have to be filling to give, but be ready to fight.

Learn more about a fathers custody rights and winning child custody at my blog.

You can do so at http://ChildJointCustody.com

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www.centralohioattorneys.com The attorneys at White & Fish, LPA, Inc are available to help with child custody matters. If you need representation for parental rights issues, contact the firm today in Columbus, Ohio at (614) 485-9300.

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