A look at the FLDS Child custody case on Headline News with Attorney Vikki Ziegler.

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Copyright (c) 2009 Ron Lasorsa

Child Custody

Custody is a highly litigated area of family law that can be both expensive and emotionally draining, even when done correctly. The following represents some pointers designed to help parties avoid the stress, expense and emotional damage often attributed to child custody litigation;

1. Try to come to agreements on your own: Parties who craft their own custody agreements are usually much happier with the outcome because they feel like they have played an active role in the decision and are consequently more apt to comply. In addition, you do not need an attorney to come to your own stipulation which can save hundreds, even thousands of dollars. It is far better for the two people who know a child best to come to a decision related to custody than leaving it in the hands of a stranger.

2. Seek out an experienced mediator: Custody mediators can play a crucial role in the outcome of a custody battle. These individuals can be retired attorneys, current attorneys or mediators with divorce experience, for example. The goal of mediation is to come to an agreement with which both parties can live by a give-and-take principle. Parties in mediation realize that they must give a little to get a little and the spirit of compromise is what makes mediation actually work. In the event that you are unable to come to agreements on your own, mediators can be very useful.

3. Work with existing court orders, even the recommendations: If you are in litigation and you have existing court orders, learn to work within the framework of what you have. For example, if the court order has recommended parenting classes, you should take them. Now, if the court orders you to do a proscribed activity, such as drug test or drop children off at a specific time and day, you do not have the option of whether or not to comply.

4. Seek out individual counseling: If some of your anxiety or stress stems from the fact that you are actually still grieving the loss of the relationship, it is wise to seek out private counseling to work through some of these issues to avoid the inevitable impact on your children.

The impact of divorce on children is extraordinary. Anyone who thinks that their children are not affected is not paying any attention to the obvious signs. The above are mere suggestions to avoid some or all of the emotional detriment to your child(ren) that divorce can cause such as:

- Regressive behavior: Children who experience any trauma, particularly divorce may exhibit certain regressive behaviors such as fit throwing, tantrums, refusing to sleep alone and bed wetting, for example.

- Defiance and rebelliousness: This form of disobedience might manifest itself at home or at school. It may stem from a child’s desire to gain their parents attention in hopes of taking the focus off the divorce. Depending on the age and maturity of the child, they may feel as though they can actually do something to stop this divorce from happening even if it is in the form of very negative behavior.

- Social difficulty: Children who have a tumultuous home life can have difficulty interacting socially due to depression, sadness or grief at the loss of the family structure.

- Statistics: Studies show that children of divorced homes are more likely to drop out of high school (and are at a greater risk of teenage pregnancy. Children from divorced families have higher incidence of truancy and negative attitudes toward school.

Yes, there are an equal number of studies out there that support the proposition that children from divorced families are no different emotionally, academically or financially. But more than likely those funding said studies are the very individuals who profit from the big business of child custody – Family law attorneys. It has been proven time and time again that a two parent household is best and that children who have to endure the divorce of their parents suffer. Therefore, if divorce is the only option, the way to minimize and hopefully eliminate the impact on the children is to be mature, try to work things out between the two of you, seek out an experienced mediator when unable to do so, follow all court orders and get yourself the spiritual or psychological counseling YOU need to move on and be the best parent YOU can be.

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By now everyone has heard about the scandalous details in the Peter Cook, Christie Brinkley divorce and child custody case. But if you haven’t seen the news coverage the short version goes like this. Peter Cook, Christie Brinkly’s husband, reportedly had an Internet porn addiction and was reportedly spending up to $3000 a month on Internet porn sites and fetish dating sites called Adult Friend Finder. Mr Cook has admitted to masturbating while in an Internet video camera while another member of this online dating web site watched.

Ms Brinkley was able to obtain the billing records for these Internet dating services and admit them as evidence into her custody case. The judge was able to consider this evidence and ultimately awarded sole custody of the couples two children to Ms Brinlkey.

Being awarded sole custody in a child custody case is considered a huge victory. Especially in cases where there is no evidence of criminal activity, physical or sexual abuse or substance abuse such and drug or alcohol addictions. It would appear that other than an admission by Mr Cook that he had an affair with a very young employee, the only mark used against him was his Internet Porn addiction.

Not everyone involved in custody battles will get the same day in court as Ms Brinkley. The average person simply does not have the money and notoriety to get a fair trial in court. Most people involved in a Family Court custody hearing will get a brief review of their case and a rushed order from a judge filled with errors and inequity. Most people would agree that the Family Court system is flawed and in the end it’s always the children that suffer.

There are cost effective resources that the average person can utilize when involved in a child custody case and they suspect their spouse may have an Internet porn addiction. There are online investigation services that can take the suspected parents email address’s and search all the online dating services until they locate the personal ad memberships of the other parent. These investigations will also uncover social networking sites like Myspace and Friendster and will include some porn sites also. As we see in the Brinkley vs Cook case, evidence of a porn addiction or participation in sites with a sexual fetish like Adult Friend Finder can influence the outcome of a custody case.

An online dating service investigation can uncover some very extreme sexual fetishes such as bondage, auto asphyxiation and self mutilation. Profiles on these sites may also include admissions or references to drug use, addictions,and possibly even crimes. Recently one search of online dating services produced a picture on MySpace the defendants 5 year old girl posing with a hand gun.

Obviously the parent that was supervising the child and took the picture and posted it on their secret MySpace page was in for a huge surprise at his custody hearing.

If you are involved in a custody battle and you suspect that your ex has an Internet porn addiction and may be involved in a secret life of extreme sexual fetish dating sites you can order an online infidelity investigation by searching Google. There are some very reliable services that offer such an investigation. You can begin your search for an investigator by Googling “online Infidelity Investigation” . But before hiring a PI make sure they are considered an expert in this field. Do your homework by Googling the name of the investigator and the name of they company. Make sure they are considered an expert in this field.

Whether you have already become involved in a custody trial or are just contemplating divorce and suspect your spouse may have an Internet porn addiction an online infidelity investigation will surely be needed to protect yourself and your children’s future.

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Child custody is the product of a divorce. When a couple decides to file petitions to nullify their marriage, the custody of their children (if they have) is now at stake. In most state laws, when it comes to child custody cases, mothers are considered to be the primary caretaker of the children. Thus, they have the odds of winning the legal custody of the children. However, there are also cases where the fathers are given the legal custody to the children, depending on the circumstances present. And the arguments are presented by each camp through a child custody lawyer.

If you are decided in settling your dispute between your husband or wife with regards to the custody of your children, you will be needing the expertise of a child custody lawyer. He or she will be the one who will represent you in family courts and will argue for your right of placing your children under custody based on the circumstances present. In addition, he or she will be the one who will be interpreting the family law of the state where the custody case falls. The provisions of family law may vary from state to state, which is why you need to hire a locally-based child custody lawyer.

Therefore, if your case falls within the jurisprudence of Iowa justice system, it is just wise that you hire an Iowa-based child custody lawyer.

However, the lawyer will be first evaluating your case as well as your odds of winning it. Most child custody lawyers in Iowa conduct free review and evaluation of your case which means they will be getting deeper into your story. Fortunately, just like looking for a child custody lawyer, free case review is now offered on the Internet. All you have to do is to look for these Iowa child custody lawyers’ website through major search engines.

Free case review online is very simple. An Iowa-based law firm provided you series of questions that can help them review your case as well as to determine if you have the odds of wining it. Basically, it is composed of the details of your legal case, which are as follows:

• The finality of your divorce with your husband or wife;
• Your parental relationship to your children (either father or mother);
• Where the children currently lives in prior to filing the child custody case;
• The primary care giver of the family;
• Special needs of the children (if there is any);
• The cooperation between you and your spouse on matters concerning your children like visitation;
• Court proceedings prior to the case review (if there is any), and;
• The reason why you feel that you must be awarded the primary custody of your children.

After filling up the form with the details specified above, an Iowa child custody lawyer will ran through these details together with the provisions of family law in effect within the state. Once he carefully evaluated each detail and possible consequences or implication, he will now give you an assessment of your case as well as the chances of getting the primary custody of your children.

Take this opportunity of a free case review online by your Iowa child custody lawyer. If you feel that you have the right for that custody, he will look on it and see if you can make it.

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When a marriage falls apart, the spouses are forced to deal with a great deal of stress. This stress comes from many areas, including dividing up their things, dealing with the emotions of separating their lives and deciding how much time their children will spend with each parent after the settlement is finished.

A San Bernardino county child custody case can often be the most stressful aspect of a settlement. Parents are not only concerned with winning the case but in also preserving their children’s well being. There are many factors that are involved during the battle and even after the case is settled.

Court rulings in San Bernardino county child custody cases are reached after many factors are taken into account. These factors include each spouse’s history with the children and also how each spouse is portrayed as a parent throughout the custody hearing. Along with the San Bernardino county child custody case comes the court’s decision on how much parents are required to pay in child support.

When it comes to child support, many factors come into play. Who is required to pay what, will the child’s time be split evenly or will one parent have the majority or sole custody are all questions that must be answered. The court looks at many things when reaching decisions on the matters of support and this is where family law can help. Bringing family law into the San Bernardino county child custody and support battle can help ensure that both the parent and the children receive the best outcome possible. Each spouse’s income and their ability to pay support are just a few of the factors that ultimately contribute towards the court’s final decision. Legal professionals are familiar with the documents and evidence needed to support the fight in these hearings.

Once the decisions have been made and finalized by a court, it is possible to request a modification of support orders. Parents can request a modification of support orders once the original support order has taken place. Family law can help parents determine if and when to request a support modification. These legal professionals are familiar with support guidelines and enforcement laws and can help parents determine the best time for modification.

Both the parent receiving support and the parent making the payments have the ability to request a modification of support orders. Parents receiving support may have the amount increased if they can prove that the paying parent’s income has increased. Furthermore, the parents making the payments can decrease the amount of future support payments if they can prove their income has decreased due to losing a job, experience a pay reduction or also if they can prove the custodial parent’s income has increased.

Ultimately, these battles are about achieving the best results for the children and hiring a legal professional can help assure that this is achieved. Hopefully when the case is settled both spouses will be content with the ruling and the children will have had little exposure to the process.

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The Bribed or Manipulated Child: Handling Your Child Custody Case  in 2008 Barry Bricklin, Ph.D. and Gail Elliot, Ph.D.

Dr. Bricklin and Dr. Elliot are nationally-known child custody experts. They have written many publications offering help and guidance for mothers, fathers, and grandparents involved in child custody issues.  Their publications can be found at http://www.custodylibrary.com

 One of the saddest and most frustrating situations occurs when a child has been bribed or manipulated to turn against one of the parents. The child might previously have had a wonderful relationship with the so-called “target parent.” Manipulations can range from very subtle, like the parent who looks sad and distressed when the child goes off to visit the other parent, right on through the entire spectrum to the other extreme, where the parent actively damns and condemns the target parent. The parent will say things like, “It’s all his fault; he deserted us,” right on through to saying that the target parent has all kinds of drug problems or alcohol problems or that he or she left us to run off with some low-life.

 Unfortunately, subtle forms of bribing or manipulating a child will work as well as the more blatant strategies. In fact, the subtle ways work best, because even a savvy child, who might recognize (and better deal with) blatant alienation, will not recognize more subtle forms. It might be a mother, for example, who says: “Well you know you’re father; he has a drinking problem. He tries, but he really is just an alcoholic.” Or the father who says, “You know your mom; she means well but is just so uptight you can’t have any fun around her.” These kinds of subtle strategies might work every bit as well as the more blatant ones.

 First of all, the target parent must learn to recognize situations that look like a bribed or manipulated child, but in actuality is not. It is frequent for older children, for example, say from twelve years of age and up, to basically want to have one home. It simply is a matter of convenience for them. They want to be around the friends with whom they socialize.

 Also, a child of older years may simply want to switch from where he or she already lives to the other house, based on the-grass-is-always-greener-on-the-other-side-of-the-street. This is the child who believes the “other house” is the place where he or she can stay up later, where there is less discipline, less insistence on cleanliness, less insistence on chores or homework.

 Regardless of the cause of a child’s not wanting to see you, the core skill needed is what we call non-adversary communication. This is a skill which we also teach to businesses. It is a very powerful tool, but very subtle in its power. It will sound simple enough when we run the rules by you, but it will take a little bit of dedicated practice to use it well.

 First, you must see the value in using it. It brings two main benefits. One benefit is that it will make your own communications more powerful. Second, it is tremendously self-therapeutic. It would take us too far off point to explain this fully right here, but the fact is that any piece of “output behavior,” an angry face, tight vocal-cord muscles, a tense body, accesses in you your worst and most fearful memories at an unconscious level, memories of times you felt helpless and scared. You are unwittingly hurting yourself.

 The first principal is that whatever the issue is you are dealing with, you immediately seek a solution.

 This next point is extremely hard for most people to implement. It simply states that you never blame or make the other person wrong, not even in the slightest way. No matter how angry, hurt, or vindictive you feel, you do not use a time where some problem needs a solution to air your anger. There are not only blatant ways of making the other person wrong e.g., “You idiot! You never understand anything!” There are also subtle ways. The use of the word “but” is subtly making the other person wrong. If you tell me your position, and if I answer you, even in a very gentle and warm voice, with a phrase that starts with the word “but,” you know that shortly thereafter I am going to make your position “wrong.”

 Suppose one of my children says to me: “You always talk to me in a loud voice.”

 Suppose I answer: “But honey, it is so hard to get your attention.”

 The third point is to learn to not give more than one (short) explanation of your own position. To do so is not only strategically ineffective, but self-damaging. When you spend a lot of motor-output time trying to justify your position, that is, trying to get the other person to accept the wisdom of your explanation, you are accessing in yourself, at an unconscious level, all of the memories of when you felt helpless, vulnerable, misunderstood and “on the carpet.” Here are some brief examples of non-adversary statements. Instead of saying “You’re late every time you drop Mary off,” (making the other person wrong), say: “What can we do to make drop-offs and pick-ups work better for all of us?”

 We absolutely know your thinking at this point: “You don’t know my ex. He wants to hurt me! He doesn’t care about solving anything!” We know this might very well be true. But what you don’t know, and we do, is the subtle, cumulative power of the strategies we want to share with you. Give us a chance. Master them, and try them before judging how you think they will work. Further, our purpose here is to teach you how to use these skills with your children, especially those from whom you may have been alienated.

 This skill of non-adversarial communication is necessary to make most of the other strategies that you might use work better. It is an amazingly powerful tool when used the ways we will describe. It is so subtle that the other person might not even consciously know you are using it. But it definitely moves people off of aggressive or hostile positions. Here are some other examples. Take the, child who complains the parent speaks too loudly.

 The parent might respond to such an accusation with: “You may be right. Help me to find better ways to get your full attention.” Now, since the child has no position to bother defending (which would have been the case had the parent said, “You don’t pay attention,” to which the child would have said, “Yes, I do,” and the conversation would go nowhere), the child can begin wondering what options the parent may have to get his or her attention without yelling. As long as anyone has to defend a position, no creative thinking goes on. As soon as you make someone wrong, all they will do is endlessly explain to you why they’re not; we are genetically engineered, one might say to “defend our territory.” It is an almost irresistible urge.

 The final strategy, but one which we recommend you do not use until you have thoroughly tried the others is to seek help through the legal system. This is something you definitely would like to avoid, unless there are no other options available. You will have to initiate these steps through your attorney. There are two important pieces of information you may need, since not all attorneys are aware of the mental health options that may be available and not all options will be available in every state.

Dr. Bricklin and Dr. Elliot are nationally-known child custody experts. They have written many publications offering help and guidance for mothers, fathers, and grandparents involved in child custody issues.  Their publications can be found at http://www.custodylibrary.com

 Authors:

Dr. Barry Bricklin is a psychologist in private practice, Adjunct Associate Professor at Widener University and has previously served on the faculty of Jefferson University and of Hahnneman University. He is past president of the Philadelphia Society for Personality Assessment and the Philadelphia Society of Clinical Psychologists. He has authored books and articles many topics related to custody evaluations. For over 25 years, Dr. Bricklin has developed various data-based approaches to the decisions which must be made when parents divorce. He is the Chair of the Executive Operating Committee of the Professional Academy of Custody Evaluators (PACE).

 Dr. Gail Elliot is Head, Child Development and Family Processes Research, Bricklin Associates, the Vice Chair of the Professional Academy of Custody Evaluators and a psychologist in private practice. She has served as a consultant to public and private schools and coordinated multidisciplinary treatment plans. She has authored and researched numerous works related to custody evaluation.

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Dr. Bricklin and Dr. Elliot are nationally-known child custody experts. They have written many publications offering help and guidance for mothers, fathers, and grandparents involved in child custody issues.  Their publications can be found at http://www.custodylibrary.com

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When a divorce or dissolution of marriage is brought before the family court, child visitation is considered at the same time and according to similar factors as child custody. The term stands for the time in which the non-custodial parent is allowed to meet or visit with his/her child. However, under certain circumstances a parent can be denied child visitation or child custody in the case of sole physical custody. Child visitation is often associated with the term “parenting plan,” which typically outlines the type of legal custody and physical custody of each parent and can also define when the child is to visit or be with the non-custodial parent. Parents can reach such an agreement on their own, this is the best case, or the court can decide on this matter, which is often the worst case scenario.

Typically, the best situation for a child in a divorce, child custody, and child visitation matter is when both parents manage to solve their personal differences to reach an agreement or parenting plan or child visitation schedule out of court. In this case, any agreements reached between both parents can become the parenting plan. When a parenting plan is created and child visitation and child custody issues are resolved, it may not require anymore matters to be brought to the court even if the child is very young. A decade ago, the family courts would often give infant visitation guidelines preventing the non-custodial parent from spending a lot of time with his/her child. Such provisions are not valid anymore, but rather frequent and continuous contact with both parents is encouraged. Off court agreements does not necessarily need to be translated in a written contract and signed by both parents. However, parents may be well advised to have a written and signed parenting plan for future reference in case a child custody or child visitation dispute arises. It can also be used as a stipulation between both parties and then issued as a court order for future enforcement purposes.

Now, what if the parents are not able to reach an agreement on child visitation or child custody? Both parents will often be required to participate in a mediation process before having a court hearing or before a judge hears the case. Typically, the two parents will be assisted to work out a parenting plan by a third-party or mediator, who can be an experienced attorney or social worker. Many child visitation and child custody issues find a happy ending through mediation sessions resulting in a parenting plan agreement, which can then be presented as a stipulation ad then as a court order.

Generally, the worst case is when mediation fails. In this situation, the next step is typically for a court hearing in order to solve the issues. Judges nowadays often require custody evaluations of the family by experts in the field of child psychiatry, psychology or mental health. Licensed social workers can also be called to present evidence for consideration by the court. Once all pieces of evidence have been presented, the court will typically make its decision. This is the worst case child custody and child visitation dispute method because it can be very complex, expensive, and long-draw out. In some highly contested child custody and child visitation cases, child custody and child visitation disputes will eventually result in denying child custody and child visitation rights to one of the parent.

© 2007 Child Custody Coach

Child Custody Coach supplies information, online materials, and coaching services to parents in the field of child custody, namely, divorce, child custody and visitation, child custody evaluations, 730 evaluations, parenting, and all issues related to child custody and divorce. “How to Win Child Custody – Proven Strategies that can Win You Custody and Save You Thousands in Attorney Cost!” is a unique child custody strategy guide written by The Custody Coach and made available by Child Custody Coach in an easy to read, understand, and apply E-Book format. Custody Match is an online consumer and family law attorney matching service to help you in your search for the right attorney for your divorce or child custody case. Custody Match can help you find the right family law attorney, divorce lawyer, or child custody attorney in your area.

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My two aunts got into a fight and the one pressed charges on the other on the other one so now they are going to court. The one that started it is the who charges are being pressed against and she has a child. His father is in the miltary in Afghanistan and his fathers parents live a couple of hours away. Also their is my family and my grandma who are in the town of the child. So if the childs mother went to jail who would have custody rights over the child?

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