The five most important areas of a North Carolina divorce are child custody, child support, divorce, alimony, and property distribution (equitable distribution). All of these issues except for the divorce may be resolved out of court in a separation agreement. We believe it’s best if we can help you settle your domestic dispute and we have the experience to help you stay out of court. Visit www.divorcelawnc.com for more information.

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The first important premise here is that the parents cannot come to an agreement. If parents can work things out on their own, there is no need for the courts to become involved. Often times parents wonder if there is a mandatory requirement that they have a custody agreement if they don’t live together. The answer is there is no requirement to have an agreement. Child Custody agreements are only required if they cannot agree.

The whole process gets kicked off by filing a motion, sometimes known as an order to show cause. Either parent can file this and then the rules begin. The parent who files must notify the other parent (there are rules provided on the form you fill out). Then the other parent gets to reply with their own filing. Both of them end up in court on an assigned date to start the process.

What you really need to know about this is that when you fill out the documents for the first time, be sure you are organized and ask for exactly what you want. Make sure you setup your visitation schedule ahead of time and create that pattern before you get to court. This way your temporary order will reflect what you truly want. Temporary orders often become permanent and here’s why.

Most people are required to go to mediation as part of the process. If the issues are not resolved their you could go onto evaluation, and trial. At minimum most people spend 4-6 months going through the process. If you are in a high conflict custody battle then you can plan on 12-24 months to get through the process. If your temporary order was a bad decision, you may have to live with it forever. You see after 6, 12, 18, 24 months, courts do not like to change a child’s routine. Now you would be stuck trying to make a change and restarting the process. So if you can agree with the other parent or at least negotiate the big ticket issues you will be much better off.

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Whether you are thinking about filing for custody or have already filed but have not yet agreed to an order, you need to educate yourself about what works, what does not work, and what to look out for. Making a mistake at the start could rob you of the most important thing in the world. Spending time with your child.

If you are in the beginning stages of a child custody case you have the opportunity right now, to set yourself up for success. Many people make the mistake of trying to please the other parent by giving in to their demands early on in the process. If that describes you and you are thinking that they will come around and see that their way is not what is best for the child, well think again. Unless you and the other parent agree on how child custody and visitation should be handled, you need to protect your child NOW!

In my opinion, the biggest mistake parents make is giving in to the other parent and agreeing to a temporary order that makes no sense. Parents may agree because they expect a mediator, evaluator, or judge to talk some sense into the irrational parent. But that seldom happens. You see mediators, evaluators, and judges experience the high emotions and drama dozens of times each day. They easily weed out the drama from the issue. So getting in front of these people and claiming the other parent is off their medications, is on drugs or some other explanation of why they are irrational, does not address the issue. At this point you are left with a he said, she said, argument with no clear way out. So the first best thing you do is do not agree to a temporary order that does not work for you.

The next biggest trap parents fall into is false allegations. The most difficult allegation to get out of is the one based on a partial truth. For instance, if the two of you had agreed to find a counselor to help you negotiate an agreement and they interviewed 6 counselors and then told you they had found someone they thought could help. Next they setup a meeting and you both attend. Later on, they tell the evaluator that they went to 6 counselors until you agreed to use one and then you still missed the first meeting. This completely misrepresents what happened but is mathematically accurate. This is a very mild version for an example but you should get the idea.

The way you avoid this trap is documentation. From the moment you start this process, document everything you do associated with your child. Email the other parent with a clarifying statement that you can use later if needed. Imagine if you had an email that stated, “Thank you for finding counselor Smith for us to work with. I will be at the first appointment Monday @ 2:00 pm”. If they alleged that you did not show up or involved, you could show a confirmation based on truth. This shows that you are involved and truthful. It also shows they cannot be trusted.

Always think of what the long term consequences of your actions are and document everything you do about and with your child. If you do, you are much more likely to have the outcome you deserve.

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Understanding Texas Divorce helps you through the process! This video will prepare your for your first visit with your lawyer to discuss your divorce.

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I’ve asked this in two other catagories and so far haven’t gotten a response…

what questions would they ask and what questions should the person going to see them? Also how long does it take (waiting for the case to be reviewed, going to court…) I’m doing research for a story I’m writing

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